The Parent Trap

It has been said that history repeats itself. We as human beings go through great pains to record times, places and faces of the past yet we seem to miss the lessons that are there to be learned. I have always been one of those people who believed in corporal punishment as a form of disciplining children. As a father of a six year old girl I find it difficult to inflict any form of punishment but children must be disciplined when they do something that is "wrong". But how do we define wrong for a six year old? There are obviously things that are clearly defined. Is not brushing one's teeth before going to bed wrong? Should a child be punished for not doing this? If so, what should the punishment be?

I was raised in a Hindu home but my mother seemed to selectively quote the bible, especially the part about "spare the rod and spoil the child". I accepted this as being the consequences for being bad. I never questioned it, I just understood that whatever I did to be intimately introduced to the yard rule, I should never do again. And, well most times I did not repeat the offence. Now, when I am faced with a similar situation with my daughter I am conflicted. What she did was obviously wrong but how do I handle it? My first instinct is to get my belt but this is not the solution. There must be a better way. This instinct that violence will solve a problem not only affects us when dealing with children but it seems to be a solution to all confrontational situations.

I am not saying that I was abused, I was disciplined as was most children of my generation and this form of discipline extended to schools as well. Today with so many people becoming parents at a very young age one has to wonder if the practices of old not only contribute to the increase in violence against children but to domestic violence as well. We are taught that hitting will prevent a person from repeating their actions and repeated beatings are often need to complete the domestication.

So will I choose to repeat the past and instill fear into my daughter by raising my hand to her or will I find a more sophisticated solution. I believe that the later is the only obvious route. Today parents need to develop a new view on child care and these solutions need to be presented to the society in general. There is a lot of emphasis on family planning and prevention of pregnancies but little is done to help young parents with the task of parenting. The government needs to adopt better social programs for assisting families cope with many of the rigors of everyday life. Children should be disciplined but we need to be taught how to do it correctly and in a sophisticated way so that we do not perpetuate the cycle of violence that has haunted our people for way too long.